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The Great Boy Band Debate

I recently downloaded Spotify on my phone which means I now have the music world at my fingertips.

And it's amazing.

Although, it's a far stretch to say I have the music world at my fingertips because I only use about 2% of that music world - and it's all boy bands all the time on my spotify.

Do you know how long it's been since I've popped in a boy band album and jammed down like nobody was watching?


As I've been listening to my favorite boy band songs lately and forgetting that my windows are in fact see through and people could be watching me sing at the top of my lungs... I've had a lot of conflicting feelings rising up inside of me. One day they bubbled over and I shared with Luke my concern.

We were driving in the car, and I told him my inner conflict and how I always felt torn because I loved the Backstreet Boys songs the most, but I thought Justin was the hottest out of all the boy bands so I was so confused....did that make Backstreet Boys or 'Nsync my favorite band??

Luke told me that this wasn't the first time I had shared this "problem" with him (I honestly don't even remember telling him before) and he was embarrassed to be married to me.

Well that was a little harsh for something that I feel such STRONG CONVICTIONS about.

I can remember one day in my former life of a TRL watching, eating macaroni and cheese on the couch  after school teenager,  that it was official, I was going to be a Backstreet Boys fan. Done.

I enjoyed their songs the most, and really that's what boy bands are all about right? Their artistic talent?

And then Bye Bye Bye happened. The song, the dance, the music video. Everything about it was perfection. This scene stands out in my mind:

I mean, what is a 16 year old girl with a torn boy band heart supposed to do with that?


I converted to a full blown Nsync person. We're talking Nsync planner, Nsync posters, furiously recording any and ALL Nsycnc appearances on the TV.

But deep inside it didn't feel right. Yes JT had my heart with those curly blonde-dyed locks, but the Backstreet Boys ballads struck a deeper nerve.

Also, I see a theme in my life. I tend to obsess, OBSESS over trivial, meaningless things while more important things (ahem, grades, college applications ETC) are being put on the back burner. This could be a talent or a curse. Carry on.

Years went by, I went to college, got married, Nsync and BSB broke up and then JT straightened his hair. Everything was different.

It wasn't until this past month when I invested in Spotify that the conflicted feelings came flooding back.

And now, in my 29th year of life, I am confident in saying that BSB is my favorite boy band of all time. I have been continuously listening to their greatest hits and nothing compares. Have you listened to Drowning lately? Maybe the best boy band ballad of all time. I still sneak in a little Bye Bye Bye here and there but I can listen to the full album of BSB over and over.

I do realize at the age of 29 I have bigger issues to worry about, but some issues just need to be settled.

And I can officially say all the loose ends of my boy band dilemma have been tied up.

Thank goodness.

Now I can go on and worry about more pressing matters, like is One Tree Hill or Friday Night Lights the best show of all time?

That's all now, bye bye bye (see what I did there?) (It never gets old).


New York City Day Four

Previous NYC Recaps:  Day One    Day Two    Day Three

Thursday, our fourth day in New York City was such a fun day for me.

Before I get into why it was so fun you have to know my "backstory". Well not my life backstory but the story behind my love of Good Morning America.

I love, love, love Good Morning America, or "GMA" as us loyals call it. I started watching it in college and something about it just attached itself to me. I watched it every morning while I was getting ready for work and continued to watch it every single morning until this past year when I had to sacrifice my TV time for my toddler who wants to watch his morning shows.

I'm just kidding my toddler doesn't watch TV, he's over in the kitchen writing music or building a architectural masterpiece with legos. 

Anyways I LOVE Good Morning America. I stuck with them when everyone was a Today show fan and remained committed through all the anchor changes. It's my morning show.  It's possible I take TV a little too seriously. 

So I knew without a doubt I would want to go to GMA when we were in NYC, the only problem was that you have to get up early.

And who the heck wants to get up early on vacation? Maybe an older generation of people, but not someone who has a child who gets up around 6:30. No thank you.

But for my beloved GMA I decided it was worth it. I just decided I wouldn't shower or do my hair. Which was a STUPID thing to decide to do when you could potentially be on TV.

That was a bit of foreshadowing. 

Luke and I woke up early and headed over to the GMA studio. There wasn't a big crowd when we got there. It was fun watching the producers and interns and other people who seemed important run around outside and get things ready. It was so neat just to watch the behind the scenes action since I've watched it on the other side of the screen for so long. 

Once the show started filming they would have about 10 seconds where they would want us to yell and clap while the camera ran by us. My sister took this picture from home where she was watching us:

(don't judge the "yesterday" hair, I'm not a girl who can wash my hair every other day)

While we were standing outside this young intern came up to us and asked if we would want to go inside. Umm are you kidding me? THIS WAS MY DREAM COME TRUE (I have small dreams)

I was on cloud nine while inside. It seemed so much smaller inside and there were huge lights and cameras everywhere.  I spent my whole time looking around probably looking like a small town girl who never left the farm. 

I have loved Josh Elliot since the first day he started, He's just so charming. (thats him there with the suit on) Luke took this pic of me watching Josh and kept telling me to ask Josh for a picture. He supports my anchorman crush. 

It was so exciting to see Robin Roberts. She has always been my favorite anchor and I admire her so much.  She was incredibly sweet and talkative. 

Jewel was the performer of the day so we got to stand behind her and watch her sing. I've never been a big Jewel fan but it was cool being there while she sang! However I did not support her outfit of choice. 

Here we are intently watching Jewel...

My parents recorded the show and I watched it when I got home and I was SO EMBARRASSED. While we were watching Jewel I didn't know where I was supposed to look? Was I supposed to stare at her back? It just felt weird. So I spent a lot of the time looking all around and happens. I look at the girl next to me and it LOOKS LIKE I give her a once over look. You know like I was sizing her up?? I look like a totally insecure snob. I was embarrassed. Really I was trying to just do something with my eyes, but on camera I spend a good 15 seconds just STARING at the girl next to me. 

After our Good Morning America moment in the spotlight we went and found some food and explored the city some more.

Later that night we went and stood in line at Wicked to try and get some front row tickets for only $30 but there were like 200 people in line and only 13 tickets. Needless to say we didn't win.

So we found the only Mexican food in Times Square, enjoyed some chips and queso and walked around some more (yes we walked a lot).

We decided to go back to the hotel and relax so we stopped at Magnolia Bakery (which was highly suggested) and got some cupcakes and headed back to the room.

When we got back to the room we had a present waiting for us (like we did every night) to prepare us for the next day!!


Luke's 10 year Reunion

Last week I took a little vacation from everyday life. Luke had a couple of after work meetings and would be working late every night so Eli and I packed up (wait who am I kidding ALL of our belongings are already packed up) and headed to Tulsa to stay with my family.

There are a lot of times that I wish we lived in the same town as our families, but it is still nice that they are a short drive away that we can just pick up and go stay with them if we want to.

I was able to see lots of friends and hang out with family and just get away for a bit. Eli of course loves being with the family (and especially my nephew Maxton) so he had a great time.

Thursday, Luke met up with us and we headed to his hometown for his 10 year high school reunion. My reunion was last year, so after going to mine and actually enjoying it I had been looking forward to Luke's reunion. We've been together almost 10 years, so I know all his friends and consider most of them my own friends, I knew it would be a fun weekend.

Friday we headed to an adult's only thing, this event could have been held in a run down bar and cost $100 and I would have been perfectly happy. It is just so nice to get out and do something every so often and we haven't been out in a long time. Luke caught up with old friends while I ate a lot of food (tried to get our money's worth) and talked to friends.

(Samantha is also a blogger and we keep in touch via the social media world but I knew her way before that because she is one of Luke's good friends from high school)

Saturday we spent the day with Luke's parents which is always relaxing for me because they spend all their time taking care of Eli...and he loves it!  Then that night we headed to the part of the high school reunion where people were told to bring their kids.

After a bit of hanging out and chatting we hit the road and headed back home. I can't believe I was gone almost an entire week. I have SO much catching up to do around here (we are finally in our rent house and I need to unpack). But I really enjoyed my little getaway!


Cabin Life Update

When Luke and I decided to move into a rent house after our house sold we were told that the rent house would be ready in a couple of days.

Thankfully my grandparents were kind enough to offer their cabin for our temporary stay for those few days while the rent house was being remodeled.

Well I'm not sure offer is the correct word to use because I called my grandparents and asked if we could use their cabin, knowing that they couldn't say no knowing that their great-grand baby boy would be homeless.

The problem is, we packed some bags, and got the bare necessities ready to live in the cabin for a couple of days.


I'm not anxious or anything.

The problem is not the cabin, or the fact that we are living in the country about 30 miles away from our town where everything we do/use is located that's not the problem.

The problem is that we had our minds set on a couple of days so we never got settled. If we had known we would be here almost a month we would have bought groceries, and packed more than 8 sets of clothes, and mentally we would have made this home.

But instead we've been on the edge of our seat everyday thinking in the next couple of days we would be moving, only to find it got pushed back. Again.

And so we wait. Feeling unsettled, just waiting.

While we wait, I feel like we are turning into country, cabin people.

First of all, I go to Sonic every single day. I'm not proud of this and I'm afraid I'm going to have to buy all new pants once we move but it's the ONLY restaruant in town and its about two minutes away.

I go there every morning to get coffee and I have developed a love for their coffee I might even like it more than Starbucks.

While all the trendy girls are posing with their starbucks this country girl has her Sonic!

I also go there every afternoon for happy hour. Hello vanilla Coke. You complete me.

Before we moved here Eli hated dogs. He was terrified of them and would run from them. Now? He considers dogs (wah-wahs) his very best friends. He knows all four dogs here by name and runs to see them everyday.

 This dog is named Doug cause he looks like the dog on Up.

We spend a lot of time outside and rarely watch TV. I've been doing a lot of reading outside while Eli plays and I even take my computer outside and work. I have lots of mosquito bites but the fresh air is nice.

Other than the mouse visitor we had the first week we haven't had too many unwelcomed critters. There is a turtle that comes to our porch every so often, but he isn't unweclome, he is cute. And when we go outside Eli yells "turtle!!! where are youuuuuuu". And then he spends a good five minutes looking for the turtle while I try and corral him into the car.

This boy is going to be sad when we leave our country cabin.

I have seen several snakes on the road that leads up to our cabin, and every time I see one I have to stop and get a picture (they have all been dead, I would NEVER stop for a living snake).

I have NO idea why I want to get a pic, considering I HATE snakes. They are just HUGE so I feel like I need to document it. 

This is the snake we saw tonight. I made Luke stop so I could get a pic and then he jokingly started to drive away and leave me with this snake. I screamed of course.

I also saw a HUGE snapping turtle yesterday, (think the size of a opossum) but by the time I turned my car around to get out and get a picture it had crawled into the grass and I couldn't see it.

It has definitely been a fun three weeks. I'm over not having cable and the slow internet has just become a way of life.

It has just been hard not feeling settled. I wish we would have known we were going to be here for three weeks and then we would have been mentally prepared.

But then again, what fun would that have been? Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

I'm actually going to be very sad when we leave our cabin. Until I watch new episodes of Real Housewives on my cable TV while drinking Starbucks coffee NEVER seeing a snake of any size. Then I will get over my sadness.


Multi-tasking is a lie

It's 11:00 and I'm sitting at my usual spot of the kitchen table at the cabin working on various things.

I'm a multi-tasker at heart, which I recently heard means I never get anything fully done. I always thought multi-tasking meant I got more done, but then someone had to go and reveal that lie.

And really, I  agree with it completely. I'm the person who quits vacuuming midway through the room to go clean the sink cause it NEEDS TO BE CLEANED NOW even though the whole room isn't done being vacuumed.

Then the vacuum will sit there for about five hours before I finish that task.

The worst part of all this? My mom did this my whole life and I vowed to myself I would never do it. I would finish vacuuming the whole room.

And actually the funniest part of this whole thing is I just realized our vacuum is sitting out on the patio where I used it earlier today and haven't brought it back inside yet.

Ah the circle of life. We become our parents, for better and worse.

I was sitting here blogging about our fourth day in NYC (riveting I know) when Luke walked out of the room where he was sleeping (with Eli in his own bed) and told me that there was a cat in our cabin.

Excuse me? The cabin we've been in for about four hours now without leaving and you think there is a cat? That we haven't seen once?

I looked at him closely to see if he was sleep walking and he seemed fully awake. I told him he was dreaming and he assured me he wasn't. So together we started looking for the "cat" that is in the cabin.

I have to admit I only halfway looked and didn't give it my full energy because I KNOW there is no cat in this cabin.

Luke looked at me and said "well I guess Eli meowed in this sleep then" and then he laid down and went back to sleep. I'm still so confused.  For the record there is NO cat in this house.

There is a random vacuum sitting out and lots of halfway completed tasks, but there is no cat.

Before I was interrupted for a night time cat hunt I was thinking about the season of life I'm in right now. I feel like God is trying to teach me a lot and I'm not always willing to listen or willing to learn.

I've actually thought about it all day long. It's sort of like God is doing a bunch of things to get my attention and I'm just like "yeah whatever God just teach me and get it over with" instead of actually taking the time to learn and retain what He wants me to hear.

If I've learned one thing in my relationship with the Lord it's that his timing is always perfect. Even when it doesn't seem perfect, it is. And it's sort of annoying cause I want things done in my way in my timing and my immature, prideful self takes over and then He once again reveals His perfect plan and I am brought to my knees in how much he cares for me and thinks about every single detail of my life.

He has reminded me of this about 10 thousand times today, and so now at 11:30pm I am choosing to let it sink it.

That doesn't mean when I wake up in the morning (please be past 6:30am) that I will still feel this way, it's a daily battle of keeping my mind filled with the truth. And filling my mind with the truth.

Because I'm human, and because I multi-task, and I get things halfway done, my small, feeble human mind instantly thinks, well God must be multi-tasking, He started vacuuming and then went over to clean the sink and I'M OVER HERE WAITING FOR HIM TO FINISH VACUUMING.

Where are you Lord?? The room is only half vacuumed. COME BACK PLEASE.

But then in the stillness of the night, between cat hunts and to do lists and blog posts about past trips I'm reminded that His ways are higher than mine. His thoughts are higher than mine. And I'm thankful.

Rest assured there will be times where I'm frustrated, times where I want to pout, or times where I do pout about how things aren't going according to my plan. But because My God is not a multi-tasker and did not forget about me, I can rest and wait in His perfect timing.

In the meantime I will go get the vacuum and put it up and vow to quit multi-tasking. Or at least quit looking for nonexistent cats at 11:30pm


New York City Day Three

On our third day in New York City Luke and I knew we wanted to walk around again, so we decided to walk but to go the opposite direction of where we had been the day before.

I started taking pics of us in the big mirrors outside the elevators while we waited for the elevator. Luke was always really into this part.....not really. 

So we walked outside of our hotel and started walking west.

Our first stop was at FAO Schwarz. I was very surprised by this store at first. Obviously movies make things look much better and "done up" than they really are. From the outside it was just a simple store, nothing grand or amazing about it.

It was 3 stories of toys and we ended up spending a lot of time in there. I loved it by the end and felt like it matched up to what I had seen in the movies.

I really wanted to jump on that giant piano on the floor but you had to take your shoes off and I had my boots on and it is way too much trouble to get those boots on and off just to take a pic on a piano, so no piano playing with my feet for me.

After FAO we went to a few more stores and then headed over to Central Park.

Central Park was so neat and I recognized so many sites from various movies I have seen. I loved being in the park and I think it would be so neat to go jog through there everyday if I lived in NYC.

Some bridge in Central Park

 Another bridge in Central Park

 A fountain in Central Park that I've seen a ton in movies

We explored more of the town and stopped and went shopping a lot. I SO wish we had an H&M here in Oklahoma. But if we had it I probably wouldn't like it as much. 

I was in one store shopping and felt like I was at home and then looked out the window and saw all these taxis. Definitely not at home!

We went back to the hotel room a bit early because I wanted to shower and get ready for our special dinner cruise that Scentsy had arranged for us.

We took a bus down to the pier and then got on a ship that went out on the Hudson river and we got a seaside view of New York City and also New Jersey.

The food was delicious and the the scenery was amazing. We were able to visit with friends and just have a great time.

This pic is hard to see but it's the new World Trade Center. It was so neat just eating dinner and seeing all these awesome sights out the window.

When we went past the Statue of Liberty it was dark and fireworks starting going off. So cool! 

Those are some quality iphone pics. Good thing we have a big expensive camera we NEVER use. I annoy myself.

After the dinner cruise we went back to the hotel and went to bed. I was going to get up early the next morning and go to Good Morning America! I was so excited!


Grace for Myself

Last night was a rough night in our house. Well I mean cabin.

Our cabin is one room and Eli sleeps in the same room as us in a pack and play. This has worked fine for the two weeks that we've been here now, but for some reason last night Eli reverted back to his newborn ways.

And Luke revereted back to his I-wake-up-when-you-sneeze-but-I-can't-hear-the-screaming-child ways.

 Eli woke up around 2:00 crying and just very unsettled.  I tried all the tactics of leaving him crying, covering him up, PRAYING IT AWAY, but nothing worked.

I've always been careful not to bring Eli to our bed when he cries because I don't want him to think he can just wake up and cry and then get into the habit of sleeping in our bed. I've heard a kid in your bed is a hard habit to break so I've tried to not cross those boundaries as much as possible.

Plus, the few times that he has slept with us I've woke up as I'm falling off the bed to find Eli's teeny tiny bed taking up the whole bed. 

The whole "no kid in the bed" thing is hard to mantain when your child is in the same room as you and is standing up in his pack and play looking directly at you with his arms out crying "MAMAMAMAMA"

Well just STICK A KNIFE IN MY MAMA HEART. There is no way I could leave that crying baby boy in there like that. I did try the tactic of fake sleeping like the man next to me was doing but apparently mama's heart is a bit softer than dad's.

I got Eli and put him in our bed. It was dark but I'm about 99% sure that he smirked with satisfaction that he had just gotten his way. 

In full disclosure Eli and I had a bit of a rough day that day. I lost my patience a few times and asked a few people if they wanted to buy a toddler as I questioned my parenting skills. Or lack thereof skills.

I've realized as Eli gets older we have more of these off days. Actually I don't want to write off a whole day, so I will say we have more off moments.

More moments where I have outer body experiences where I float above my body and see myself chasing a toddler through Barnes and Noble and wonder how I became "that" woman. Not only am I the woman who now chases her toddler but I wish ill upon others.

I saw a girl watching me chase Eli around and suddenly before I knew it I was praying that her future child would run from her and she would understand this moment.

That is just terrible.

So anyways, back to Eli getting in bed with us. Luke was over on his side faking sleep or whatever and I was lying there with Eli thinking back through the day and getting upset with myself for losing my pactience with him.

I know it will happen again and I know it will be a continous thing for the rest of our lives, but still when that baby boy is next to me and I'm breathing in his sweet smell I feel awful that we had our "off" moments.

And I need to say that "breathing in his sweet smell" is one of those creepy things that moms say. I think about Eli's smell often and wonder if he will always smell that way. When he comes in from playing outside, or when he's a teenager and he is doing weird teenager things will I still smell that same smell?

When he comes home to visit and he brings his wife will she text her friends and tell them that Eli's crazy mom is doing that weird thing where she smells his hair again?

Again, I never thought I would be the mom chasing my kid in public OR talking about smelling him, but here I am showcasing it all.

 But as I was going through the day and mentally beating myself up (for losing my patience not for smelling my kid's hair) I remembered that HE does not judge me on one day so why am I judging myself? Why am I taking one day and deciding on what kind of mother I am based on ONE DAY. It makes no sense.

And it's simple....His mercies are new every morning. He doesn't judge me off of one day. He doesn't give up on me cause I made mistakes or because I lost my pactience. I have to be easier on myself. I have to give myself grace.

I've only been doing this mom thing for two years now, but I can already tell it is a learning experience every single day.  Not only am I learning how to handle a growing child and all the new demands that come from that, but I'm also learning what grace is. How to give it to others and how to give it to MYSELF.

I still have no idea why Eli was upset last night, but I'm glad I had that time to remind myself and to let HIM remind me that his grace is enough for me, even when I don't give it to myself.

And I promise not to talk too much more about Eli's baby smell. Considering the fact that he's now a toddler not really a baby it's getting a little weird.  I become that creepy mom a little more everyday. I sort of feel sorry Eli's future wife. 


My Favorite Planner

Today Eli went to his babysitter's house where he goes one day a week so I can work on my Scentsy work.

It was much needed today because I didn't really have time to work last month so I had A LOT to do.

I went to my favorite local coffee place and ordered a large carmel macchiato and yogurt parfait. I'm not sure why I just shared this useless information with you but felt it was necessary.

This particular place is not just my favorite because their drinks and food are delicious but also because they have a big menu that has pictures of what every drink and food LOOKS LIKE.

I mean it's pure genius. I wish all restaurants did that, not just fast food joints.

Anyways, all of that to say this...while there I posted this pic via Instagram:

After posting it I got several people asking what type of planner I was using.

Which reminded me that I said I was going to post about my favorite planner: But before we get into the details of my favorite planner can we marvel in that yogurt parfait for a minute? Absolutely delicious. And fancy.

Because I have this wonderful talent of taking a simple story and making it the longest most drawn out novel EVER, I'm going to try and not go into all the details of my journey with planners, but trust me when I say it has been a LONG JOURNEY.

A little bit too long. Like I'm on the verge of having issues kind of long.

I have tried a lot of planners. I've bought them from Target, Wal-mart, fancy business supplies stores, online stores, basically everywhere.

Last year I was at the end of my planner buying rope and had almost succumbed to the pit that is using an electronic calendar. Even just the thought of using an electronic calendar sends shivers down my spine.

I couldn't find the perfect planner and I felt like maybe what I had pictured in my mind was just a dream in my nonexistent planner world. I had decided no paper planner would ever meet my desires and it was time to move to electronic.

I had set my calendar up and synced it with Luke's calendar but I still wasn't satisfied. Luke was practically giddy with the fact that I had "finally took a step into the new millennium" but my planner buds still weren't quenched.

I remembered my friend Ali had told me that she found the perfect planner so I decided to give ONE more planner and shot. And it was the winner.

The planner is the Much Ado About You planner.

That picture above is a preview picture of the new planner that was just released this week. My planner is from last year so it doesn't look like this one so there is no point in me showing you the front of my planner but here is the inside:

First of all,  the planner is the perfect size, not too thick or bulky. I ALWAYS have mine with me and carry it around everywhere. The tabs have never gotten bent or messed up from me carrying it in my purse. The new planners are 6x9 which seems like the perfect size.

I love how the months are on two pages with BIG boxes for enough space to write everything that needs to be written.

This is the week at a glance page:

I have to admit, at first I was skeptical and a little turned off about having the hours of the day written out, but I ended up loving it and can't imagine using a planner that doesn't include this feature.

I love how there is plenty of space to write and then I use the boxes at the bottom to write out our meals or anything extra that needs to be included for the day.

I will say the only negative thing is that there isn't an option to have a customized planner cover, which I know a lot of people love. I'm ok with not having a custom cover as I am really only worried about the contents on the inside. And, there is an option to order a fabric cover for your planner which is really neat!

So there it is, my favorite planner. I use it to keep up with all that I have going on, plus our meals and other little life details as they come up!

I feel that I need to say that nobody asked me to write this, I have never spoken to the owner of Much Ado About You nor does she even know who I am. I'm just a happy customer who wants to share her good find with others!


June Warmer and Scent

A new month means a new warmer and scent from Scentsy!!!

This month's warmer is God Bless:

This would be perfect to set out next month in honor of Independence day or just keep out all year long. I love the look of this warmer. And all our warmers are hand painted so somebody painted all those stripes and tiny stars. I love that!

The scent of the month is BananaBerry and it is DELICIOUS. Well I didn't eat it, but I wanted to. 

I know some people try to stay away from food type scents but I think this is a scent that EVERYBODY will love. It is seriously so good! 

As always let me know if you have any questions about anything Scentsy related. I love to use my blog to showcase our new warmers and scents each month but I ALWAYS love talking about it! 

You can order from my website HERE


Not My Normal

Fear has always been a apart of my life. And not just any fear but life consuming, can't function because of it type of fear.

And I hate it. And I say I want to change it, but sure enough fear, worry, anxiety, whatever you want to call it comes creeping back into my life.

In fact, so much so that I have made feelings of anxiousness just apart of "my normal". There will be times where I will stop and say "wait, I think I'm supposed to be worried about something but I can't quite remember it" and then I will sit and THINK about what it is that I think I'm supposed to be worried about until I remember it. And then I start WORRYING ABOUT IT.

If that's not as far from "normal" as you can get then I don't know what is.

But I've made it my normal.

Lately fear and anxiety have gotten pretty bad in my life. Sunday after church Eli and I were leaving church to drive an hour and a half away and I was hit with such fear I could barely move.

It was as if fear itself literally paralyzed me mentally. Yes my limbs worked fine and I could look like I was functioning as a normal person, but inside there was a serious and almost debilitating debate going on in my head.

Fear was trying to take over where faith, reasoning and sanity live. Fear was telling me not to drive to Tulsa, there were too many whats ifs. What if I got in a wreck? What if something happened to Luke while we were gone? What if I had a flat tire and my cell phone wasn't working, What if, WHAT IF, WHAT IF.

Mentally paralyzed.

With all that we've had going on lately I have not been spending time in the Word and time talking to the Lord like I need and want to.

In fact, I'll just lay it all out there and admit that I did not open my bible in May. Did not crack the bad boy open once.

And now I'm being consumed with fear and anxiousness.

Coincidence? Nope.

It is so evident that when I don't allow the Lord and the Word and all the fruits of the spirit that come from that to be number one in my life, then things that are not of the Lord slowly start to creep in and become my normal.

Yes, I will probably always struggle with the feelings of fear, and anxiety and worry, but when I actually equip myself and prepare myself I am able to combat them. I am able to see that they are NOT normal and I am able to rid myself of them.

But when I allow myself to become weak spiritually it's easier for those things to come into my mind and take residence. And before long I think they are normal. I believe I'm just a worrier, "this is who I will always be" is the excuse I will say. When really the life that is intended for me is so much MORE than sitting around worrying about everything.

It's a daily battle. Sometimes an hourly battle. But it is one that I am determined to win. I do not want to live a life of fear. I refuse for that to be my normal.


Scary Weather, Need Your Help and a Shower

Our weekend started out on sort of a crazy note. Well maybe not so much crazy but a little stressful.

Last week for 3 days in a row, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday we had storms with potential tornados. It is hard to explain but its just this weird anxious feeling that just rests on your shoulders when there is "potential" bad weather expected. Is it going to happen? Is it not? Nobody knows, we just have to sit back and WAIT.

And waiting is not something I do well. At all.

Throughout these storms I've realized I cry when I get nervous. Looking back through my life I see where I have done this in almost every situation where I have extreme levels of nervousness. I cry.

I'm a CRIER. There I admitted it.

Friday we were expected to get very bad storms. Offices all over our city were released early, we were encouraged to stay off the roads, and stay home. So we did what any person stuck inside would do.....Order some Mexican food and eat chips, salsa and queso until we need to unbutton our jeans.

We spent all Friday night watching the weather. Which is probably as thrilling as it sounds. Thankfully, we never had to take cover. But that doesn't mean that my nervousness didn't reach crying levels.

This was the only helmet we could find for Eli to wear in case we had to go take shelter. Definitely need to get him one that fits!

Saturday we were happy to wake up to a sunny morning with ALL storms gone, thank the Lord!

We went and ate breakfast at one of our favorite local spots and then went shopping for appliances.


I DESPERATELY need washer and dryer help. Previously I had a front loader washer and dryer and I grew to LOATHE them. The mildew problem in front loaders is out of control, plus I'm pretty sure it shrunk all my clothes. I know I could just be getting bigger but Luke's clothes were smaller also and he has not gotten bigger.

So I want help with top loader washer and dryers. I had one picked out (the whirlpool cabrio) but then we read reviews that they were awful, so now I'm not so

Saturday night we had a bonfire and ate some smores. It was Eli's very first smore (s?) how does that work? Anyways it was his first and he loved it!

 Sunday after church Eli and I drove to Tulsa so I could attend the shower of my friend Jodi. She is pregnant with her second little girl, Harper.


Not much longer! I can't wait to see if she looks like her older sister Halle!

We are staying the night with my parents so I'm enjoying the comfort of cable and internet. Hello Real Housewives, I have missed you.