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Losing my Purse (and marbles)

Saturday is Eli's birthday and it snuck up on me faster than his first birthday did.

Last year I was prepared, I had a party planned a shirt ordered and food ready to go.

This year? Nothing. I decided a long time ago to not do a big birthday party this year, but until recently I hadn't considered any birthday details for Eli. And then today I started panicking that I didn't have a special birthday shirt for Eli.

I can't explain why I started to dwell on this minuet detail involving a birthday shirt but it happened. The workings of my brain are complex

Wanting to make sure that Eli has a special birthday shirt come rain or whatever the rest of the saying is, I remembered that a friend had told me about an embroidery shop in our town.

So around 2:00 today after my child successfully protested a nap I decided to venture out to Target and the embroidery store. Even though they are on opposite sides of the town. Both were necessary.

I made it to the embroidery shop only to find out I needed to bring my own shirt

So Eli and I got back in the car and headed to Target.

Eli has come to love Target as much as his mom, but not because he can get a pair of cute wedges while also purchasing sharpie pens, new curtains and broccoli. But instead he loves Target because the bakery gives away free cookies. So each time we pull into the Target parking lot he starts screaming COOKIE and screams it all the way to the bakery.

It has become a game for me to try and get though the entire store before Eli finishes his cookie. Which was going well until Luke taught him how to eat like the Cookie Monster by shoving the entire cookie in his mouth.

I hope you can feel my annoyed tone in that last sentence.

I made it through the entire store with just a chocolate chip sliver to spare and headed for the checkout line. I was proud of myself because for the 3rd time this week I've avoided purchasing Reese's eggs and Coke while at Target. Which seems like I have good self control until you think about the fact that I have been to Target three times this week and it's only Tuesday...

As I was putting the groceries in the trunk of my car,  Eli who was sitting in the cart decided now would be a good time to kick off his shoes and make himself comfortable.

I reached down, put his shoes on, put the cart in the parking lot cart area thingy and headed on my way to the embroidery store.

I knew it was risky driving all the way across town in traffic with perishables in my car, but I also knew Eli needed a 2nd birthday shirt.

I'm clearly a woman of wise priorities.

After almost 30 minutes in the car and more Barney songs than I care to relive we finally made it to the shop. I got Eli out of the car and reached for my purse.

It was then that I remembered wheeling the grocery cart in to the parking lot cart area thingy at Target with my purse still inside the cart.

I got in the car and drove as fast as I could while obeying the speed limit and two school zones, and listening to Barney serenade me, when all I could think about was my precious daily planner inside my purse and how I would be lost without it. Never mind the debit and credit cards. My planner is my lifeline. 

We made it back to Target and Eli screamed COOKIE as soon as he saw the store, it was like a nightmare deja vu.  I snatched him up and walked into the store as fast as possible without looking like a crazy lady who just LEFT HER PURSE IN THE PARKING LOT.

I went to customer service and asked the man working if a purse had been turned in. Naturally he asked me what color the purse was, so I told him tan. I added that it had my entire life in it but he did not seem to be in the mood for my dramatics. He then opened up a DRAWER and said well no I don't see a purse in here.

People, I'm talking like a drawer that you keep pencils and paper in.

I kindly said, well it wouldn't fit in that drawer could it be somewhere else?

He then used that walkie talkie thing and said "there is a lady here who lost a tan purse did anybody find it". I could hear it echo through all the walkie talkies throughout the store while I wondered why he didn't sense the urgency of the situation.

A young girl also known as my ANGEL said she had my purse and brought it to me. She asked my name which means she had to look at my license at some point. I hope she enjoyed all the trash and random bits of Eli's snacks that were in there.

I was SO relieved to have my purse and decided because of my ordeal I deserved a little treat.  So I went and got some Reese's eggs and a coke and headed to check out.

Another young girl was working and asked me how my day was. Because I have this endearing quality to over share information about my life that nobody really cares about I then began to tell her the story of leaving my purse in the Target grocery cart.

She told me not to worry that it happens all the time.

I was sort of skeptical and asked her if it really did happen a lot?

And she said "Yes, quite often, we have so many grandparents who get confused trying to take care of their grandkids that they forget their purses, so don't worry, at least you didn't leave your kid"

You know how some people think they are being encouraging but when they open their mouth it just comes out all sorts of wrong? Yeah that.

And I'm not sure who should be more offended. Me or the "confused" grandparents?

After all that I headed home sans embroidered shirt. Poor Eli will just be another kid who doesn't have a special birthday shirt. Please label this as a "first world problem".

At least he isn't one of those kids who has confused grandparents who end up leaving him at Target while snacking on their Reese's eggs and drinking their cold coke.

That would be almost as tragic as losing your planner.


  1. You are seriously so funny!! I love coming back and reading your stories.

  2. Thank you for the laugh today. My two year old doesn't do the cookie at target he does popcorn!

  3. This literally made me laugh out loud! :)

  4. Thanks for sharing this story!! This made me laugh and appreciate that I'm not the only one who does this. These lovely little situations are always a million more time complex when you are also toting around a toddler... This made me laugh extra hard because I just finished writing a post last night about how I continually lose stuff. I would blame it all on Mom brain, but I lost stuff even before I was a Mom. :)

  5. This is hilarious! I love your posts.

  6. Those last couple of sentences made me laugh out loud! I am sorry you had a rough day, but glad you got your purse back safely.

  7. I seriously love reading your blog because you are so hilarious!!! Thanks for sharing your stories!!!

  8. You are so funny I'm sure we'd be total real life friends I do these kinds of things all the time.... Except its 7 months until my boys second d birthday and I've already been book marking shirts !:) crazy right

  9. This made me lol. I do stuff like this all the time especially with my pregnancy brain. So glad you got your purse back and I own an embroidery machine. Wish I lived closer I would totally make Eli a birthday shirt :)

  10. This made me lol. I do stuff like this all the time especially with my pregnancy brain. So glad you got your purse back and I own an embroidery machine. Wish I lived closer I would totally make Eli a birthday shirt :)

  11. Oh my gosh. Hilarious. I was at Target today and came home with a reese's egg and diet coke. :) My son loves the Target pizza. We always start at the Target cafe where I have to buy my own cookie because our Target doesn't have a bakery-so sad-but they do have those yummy "monster" cookies.

    I had to run by target after we went to dinner the other night and my husband said, can't you get it later? I feel like you go to Target 3-4 times a week. I can't help it, it's my happy place. And, he should try making it through the store with two little boys and not forgetting at least one thing he meant to buy...although we never forget the pizza, of course.

    By the way, the fact that I go to target 3-4 times a week is the reason I scored a brand new crib for our second child for 45 bucks.I stalk the clearance section like a navy seal.

    Can I tell you how many times I have to sprint across the mall because I've left my purse in a dressing room? or my phone? Or my keys? But never my child. I call that a win.

  12. I'm up nursing Jack...grrrr...why isn't this kid asleep?!
    I'm having to stop myself from laughing out loud! You are so witty!

  13. Haha! Hilarious! Glad you got your purse back--and your planner.


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