photo tottwit_zps3fd046ca.png  photo totbloglovin_zps5327f75d.png  photo totpin_zps7c5b9f89.png  photo totemail_zps6f656c15.png  photo totinsta_zps2338675c.png


A New Opportunity

 Two weeks ago I blogged about us going to Luke's classroom to get it ready for the school year, a couple of days later he was presented with a job opportunity that he felt was best to pursue. After a couple of interviews and a job offer, he officially accepted the job and resigned from his job as a teacher.

While he is so excited about his new job he is also sad to leave the classroom. He learned a lot in his first year of teaching, and was not only a great teacher but he excelled in his job. On his last day of teaching he brought home a huge stack of cards and handwritten notes and letters from students saying how much they will miss him and how he helped them learn and really enjoy class. Luke assures me that they are just "dramatic" 7th graders but I know that he is extremely (and pretty annoyingly) humble. I can tell you I wouldn't have taken the time to write a hand written note to a teacher if I didn't truly appreciate them. I know his school is going to miss him.

We spent a year adjusting to Luke's schedule as a teacher, he had to leave very early in the mornings, he would get home late most days because he would go to the church before coming home to take care of his duties there. I couldn't call or text him during the day because he was always in front of the class and couldn't talk on the phone. When he didn't have lunch duty we were able to talk briefly during his lunch time but that was about it.

Now I can actually call him during the day and he came home and ate lunch with me and Eli. It was so great. We are excited about his new job and I'm excited to watch him grow again. I am so proud of him.

He had a meeting to go tonight so Eli and I went to a football game at the University where I work and Luke and I graduated.

We had a great time, we ate dinner on the lawn while a live band played and Eli danced and danced.

Then we went to the football game where Eli was thoroughly entertained for about seven minutes. After that he was done, done, done. Until the marching band performed and then that kept his attention and then he was done again.

We left at half time and arrived home the same time Luke did. Tonight while at the game I was thinking about how glad I am that we are still so actively involved with this university. I remember sitting at my first home football 10 years ago being SO nervous and now my baby boy runs around there and it just feels like a second home. I can't wait to create more memories there.


Too many Recipes

Remember that time I was all "Hey I made this really cool and cute menu planner and through its cute magical powers it is going to turn me into a pro menu planner cause it hangs all nice in my laundry room and I will practically be leaping out of my seat to plan meals just to put it on my cute board"?

Well, yeah. That didn't happen.

First summer happened. And summer is insane. We were out of town at some point almost every week, that left no room for menu planning (or so I told myself).

I longed for routine and structure and {ahem} menu planning once again.

And then routine and structure returned and my cute and apparently not so magical menu board sat all lonely in the laundry room. I still didn't menu plan.

I think the problem is I have TOO MANY OPTIONS.

Seriously, between every recipe blog, my own recipe binder, cook books, tweeps tweeting recipes, and then pinterest I am complely overwhelmed. I look at something and think oh I'll make that and then I pin it or print it out and then I do it again about 200 times.

I go to the grocery store with a list and get things I need and then I will come home get on pinterest find another recipe that needs some of those ingredients and with one pin my entire weekly menu is messed up.

So tonight I was having one of those nights where I had a pound of ground beef in the fridge and not one recipe in hand. And not a whole lot of ingredients in the kitchen to use. 

Instead of whipping up some goulash of some sort. I decided to peruse the internet for a recipe. 

I went one of my favorite recipe blogs and found a recipe where I happened to have all the ingredients. Woo too!! Taco Pie, it was amazing! 

Also while searching for possible ingredients to use tonight I came across some Frank's Red Hot Sauce 

WHY do we have this many bottles of hot sauce? WHY? And for the record Luke hates hot sauce. This, my friends, is why it is important to look through pantry/fridge and make a list of what you DO have before you head to the grocery store. 

Has anybody else been hit with the feeling overwhelmed with so many recipes?

Probably not. 

Try the recipe I linked. It's yummy. 


Random Thoughts

Never too early in the week for random thoughts!!

1. Thank you so much for all of your input yesterday in regards to our pictures. I was really leaning towards picture #3 myself but so many said I should print picture #2. Now I'm really confused. #2 definitely looks more natural but I think we all look better (especially Eli) in #3. Oh decisions decisions.

2. I absolutely hate when I'm not at home and I pull my hair ready to put it in a pony tail and reach for my trusty black pony tail holder that is usually on my right wrist and find that it isn't there!!! AHHHHHH! It drives me crazy. I try and remember to put it on my wrist every single morning even though it may not be the cutest addition to my fashion attire.

3.We recently bought Eli one of those picture book beginner bibles and he LOVES it. We read several stories from it every night and he cries when we put it up - maybe because he knows he is about to have to go to sleep but either way the boy loves the bible. I also love how it leaves out all the murder, adultery, hardcore stuff. And every time we read it I find myself wanting to go read my bible. If you don't read the bible much you really should - there are some great stories in there (among other things).

4. Don't forget if you want to order Scentsy almost all products are 10% off this month (which obviously ends on Friday). Be sure and get your orders in!!

5. I feel like I haven't been blogging as much lately, I need to up my game!

6. I started watching Switched at Birth on Netflix. Anybody watch this? It's pretty good and I think the girl that plays Bay is so cute.

7. I wonder why I don't read anymore? Oh yeah I WATCH DUMB SHOWS ON NETFLIX.

8. Luke and I bought a temporary TV stand when we first got married. I think it was $80 at Target. Four years later we are still using that "temporary" stand! Do you have anything that was supposed to be temporary that turned permanent? I am LONGING for a new TV stand but it is something that will have to wait. It is teaching me patience and that material things do not define my happiness.

9. Only things like lame teen soap operas and Chex Mex Muddy Buddies define my happiness.

10. Oh we haven't talked about Chex Mex Muddy Buddies? ONLY THE BEST SNACK EVER. You're welcome.


Orange Beach Family Pics

Before we left for the beach my mom researched and booked and photographer to take our family pictures while we were all together.

She requested that girls wear white and boys wear white shirts and khaki shorts and because she is mom (and because she was paying) we all obliged.

We brought our white dresses and because we are girls some of us switched our dresses at the last minute.

We got our pictures in the mail this week and we are so pleased with them!!

Here are some of them! (I promise I won't show all 266 of them)

{and please scroll to the bottom to help me make a decision!!!!}

Now here is where I need your help! I want to get a BIG picture of my sweet family of 3 printed. Not sure if I'm going to do a canvas or a matted picture yet....but in the mean time help me decide which picture. I can't choose!






New Makeup

Do you ever do something just because it's what you've always done? And then when looking back you don't even know why you do it, you just do it because it was learned?

For example I heard this story in college:

One day a mom was making roast, she cut the roast in half and put it in two pans, when the daughter asked why she did it she said "I don't know I do it cause that's what my mom always did", so then the daughter went and asked her grandma, "why did you cut the roast in half and put in two pans" and she said, "I really don't know, that's what my mom did", so then the daughter went and asked her great-grandma why she always cut the roast in half and put in two pans and the great grandma said "well i don't know why the heck they do it, I did it cause I didn't have a pan big enough for my roast"

I love this story and think it applies to so many areas of our lives, sometimes we don't even realize what we are passing down to our children, and sometimes we do things that were passed down to us by our parents.

Like me calling the remote control a "switcher" that was embarrassing when I went to college and realized IT WASN'T CALLED A SWITCHER. Talk about life changing.

So where am I going with this post? Would you believe that this post is really only all about makeup?

You thought I was going to get all deep after that story didn't you? Nope.

When I started wearing makeup in Jr high my mom took me to clinique because that is where she always got her makeup. The lovely woman at the counter did the makeup skin test and told me what makeup was good for my face.


I'm talking same foundation, same mascara, same powder, SAME SAME SAME.

Something is wrong with me.

I have branched out and gotten eye shadow and lip gloss from various beauty retailers, but my basics have always been from Clinique. It never even OCCURED to me to branch out until one day Luke (while doing the budget) asked why I got my makeup at the mall.

And I really didn't know the answer other than, well that's what my mom did!

Then recently when I was on vacation with my family my mom and sisters were shocked and appalled that I didn't wear eye liner. I never even thought about it. I didn't wear it in high school so I don't wear it now. Just a cycle of motions.

So now I'm on a mission. A mission to branch out of my makeup cycle and find things that fit me. Maybe I will end up back at Clinique? Maybe I will find something ALL NEW that I love?? Who knows! It is an exciting journey (yes, we are still just talking about makeup)

My first order of business is to find a new mascara. I have light, thing, short eyelashes so I need something Powerful! I consulted the tweeps on Twitter today about finding a new mascara and got a PLETHORA of suggestions. I don't even know where to begin really (and it is interesting to me that nobody suggested Clinique? Is it nerdy to wear Clinique and I never knew it? AM I A NERD?)

Where do you like to buy your makeup? Mac? Mary Kay? Walgreens? Help a sista out!!!

I want to do updates as I try new products and tell about what works and what products I hate. I already have a few new products that I've been trying. One I love and one I'm still iffy about.

But don't hold your breathe. I also said I was going to do "Flashback Fridays" this summer and I did two and forgot about it. Clearly I'm a woman of my word.

If you have any makeup products that you just can't live without please share! I'm all about suggestions right now!

My New Friend

I honest to goodness might have finally beat my Coca Cola addiction that has been plaguing me.

It has been a year now since I gave up the poison also known as diet coke and in that time SO many symptoms went away that I had been dealing with for awhile - I blame the aspartame found in diet coke.

Since I was no longer drinking diet coke I needed something else in my life to fill the void - so I turned to Coke and all of its 154568 calories. Plus I'm sure we've heard all the talk about how Coke is awful for you, but as long as it didn't have aspartame I was fine with it.

I could listen to stories all day about how Coke was used to get blood of asphalt, or how a penny will dissolve if you leave it in a cup of Coke. Really all I heard was blah blah blah Coke blah blah blah. And then I was thirsty.

But then I started gaining a bit of weight from all the Coke I drank. And we all know ain't nobody happy if mama is gaining weight. Plus I think it made me feel more sluggish and gave me stomach aches. I tried unsuccesfully to quit drinking Coke for a couple of months now, but I think I FINALLY quit.

How did I quit?

Well maybe the answer should be WHY did I quit? Well I found an amazing substitue.

Meet my new friend Zevia

Zevia is a natural soda made from a natural sweetner called Stevia.

I had seen this product in the grocery store but I was SO skeptical, I felt like nothing could replace my love of Coke.

But one day on a whim I decided to try them and I am SO GLAD that I did. So far I have tried the Cola flavor, grape and black cherry.

Does anybody remember Clearly Canadian? That's what these remind me of, but they are much better than just flavored water - they still have that kick that I crave from Coke.

If you've been wanting to try and quit drinking Coke give these a try!

I bought mine at Super Target but according to their website they are sold at variouws places including amazong. Our Super Target only has a few flavors, I wanted to get my hands on all of the flavors.

If you try them or currently like them let me know!!

And P.S. This is NOT a sponosred post, at all.


I Quit Reading

When I was a young girl I fell in love with reading.

In fact, still to this day I pride myself in the fact that I was in the BLUE reading group in first grade. That was the top group.

I tend to block out the fact that I was in the red math group. That was the lowest group.

My love for reading only grew as time went on. I would finish books at record speed, not because I would race through them just to finish them, but I would race through them because I wanted to know what was going to happen. It would be so hard to pause from this world that I had my nose in and go back to the regular world.

My senior year my best friend and I would just sit and read books together. Maybe not our coolest moments of life but it was sure entertaining to us!

Throughout college my love affair with reading continued. The library was my friend and I read like a fool.

But now I am sad, because somewhere, somehow, I have lost my love for reading.

It might be that life is obviously much busier than it was when I was a young girl and in college, but there are plenty of times that I have spare time and I use it to waste time on the internet.

I blame my reading loss on the internet It seems like I spend my free time on the internet Whether it is for entrainment or I am working, after Eli goes to bed I usually spend all of my time until bedtime on the internet.

And I miss reading. I miss it a lot.

So last week I set a schedule for myself at 10:00 I would turn off ALL technology. That meant no TV, no internet, no texting, nothing after 10. Monday night I did amazing. At 10:00 I closed up shop and opened my book.

And that was the only night I stuck to it. Self control is not my finest attribute.

But I need to have grace on myself and give myself a second chance.

So on Monday I will begin again with my no technology past 10 rule. I REALY want to start reading again.

I started the Voice in the Wind series by Francine Rivers, and I love it, I just never read. It's so weird. WHY would I not do something that I love?

Is the internet/being busy stealing anybody else's reading time? How do you combat this?

I'm hoping to get into reading again, and if I do I may need book suggestions!


Random Facts

There is (was?) a thing going around Instagram where you were asked to write 5 random things about yourself. I've done this on my blog before but it's been awhile so I decided to go ahead and put my 5 things here on the blog plus five more!

1. I can use my toes like fingers and pick up almost anything with them. Mainly because they are as long as fingers (sick).

2. Going to the post office is one of my least favorite things ever followed closely by pumping gas.

3. I ate and LOVED seafood my whole life and then one day I thought it made me feel weird. Now i'm afraid to eat it but I miss it SO MUCh. I need to get some kind of test done to see if I'm really allergic. If I've been missing out on it all these years just because I'm crazy I will be SO MAD.

4. I have an irrational fear of balloons. Those things freak me out. They can pop at ANY MOMENT.

5. I'm not scared of spiders at all. In fact in my house I'm usually the spider killer.

6. I never drank pop (Coke) until I met Luke and he was addicted. Now he has quit completely and I'm addicted.

7. Before Eli I sometimes wondered if I wanted kids. Now that I have him I want four.

8. I've never been to a wedding where I didn't cry - except my own.

9. I never want a dog. {for the record I always had one growing up and loved them like a normal dog lover - but I don't want one now}

10. Growing up I always wanted to be a teacher until I went to college. Sometimes I wish I would have followed through with it.


Beach Trip Day One

**Thank you so much to everyone who commented on  yesterday's post. I love this community and I'm thankful that we can share our stories, relate to one another and help each other. If you feel more comfortable emailing me instead of commenting please feel free to do so!** 

Time to start recapping our beach trip. I hate to do this because these pictures make me LONG for the beach - but I also want to record all the memories. I can't believe this time last week I was soaking up the rays on the beach (well as much as you can with SPF 70 on while wearing a hat and sitting under an umbrella).

Because our beach trip was so quickly planned Luke didn't have time to find someone to fill in for him at church, so Saturday night I worked all day to get everything packed and set aside to be loaded up on Sunday to leave directly after church.

Sunday we went to church just like normal but instead of standing around and talking for about an hour and a half like normal we bolted out of church and headed home I got Eli fed and put us in our "riding in the car" clothes. Then I made sandwiches for me and Luke and put all our luggage and bags in the car.

Luke got home, changed clothes and we hit the road for our 14 hour car ride.

I had a bag of snacks ready to go and then a bag of diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream and a themometer just for safe measure.

Eli did well almost the entire trip. He had moments of screaming for absolutely no reason (see video below) but other than that he was good.

I also kept a stash of snacks in his cup holder for easy access.

We arrived at Orange Beach, Alabama around 3:30am where my dad was waiting to help us with our bags. We got in our condo, set up Eli's pack and play and went to sleep, all the while praying Eli would sleep in.

Eli woke up at 7:00 ready for the day. My mom woke up and offered to stay up with him but Luke and I were already awake and ready for the day. So after breakfast we went to the beach for our first day.

And then Eli started hating his life.

The sun was too bright, his hat got on his nerves, he didn't like the feel of the sand, and the water bothered him. I spent a lot of my time that day worried that he was going to hate the beach his whole trip but thankfully he warmed up to the sand and sun, but never the water.

It was such a fun day!

We had such a good setup on the beach. Two big umbrellas, chairs, a tiny chair for the baby boys and some layout mats.

After spending the morning on the beach we went back to our room cleaned up and then went to Lamber'ts for linner (lunch+dinner). I love this place. We've eaten at the Springfield location many times. If you've never been you should go. It is famous for being the "home of the throwed rolls" and it is just downright delicious.

We then ventured to the outlet malls for a bit of shopping.

We had so much fun that first day and went to bed early in anticipation of another full day!


The Little Blue Pill

I have been going through old posts, grouping them together for my "popular posts" tab at the top and upon going through the posts I realized I never talked about the emotions and feelings I went through after Eli was born.

I've alluded to them here and there but I've never actually explained it. And I've realized that not too many people talk about it, and sometimes when I do talk about what I went through I will have people scoff at the fact that I would speak these things out loud. WHICH IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD.

Just because my experience wasn't like yours or your experience wasn't like mine doesn't mean one of us was wrong. We are humans with different experiences, emotions, backgrounds and hormones.

Prior to having Eli I was always an emotional person. I would get overly attached to character in books, movies or TV shows and cry when said book, movie or TV show concluded. Which sounds weird but I have found that others deal with this also. Doesn't make us any less crazy but still, together we will stand.

That is just a somewhat silly and vague example but trust me, I am an emotional person.

I always joked around with Luke, even before getting married, that when I had a baby I would probably go through a bit of a funk. I imagined myself sitting around and crying.

I didn't imagine myself LOSING MY EVER LOVING MIND. And by that I mean I thought I would cry and cry and feel down. I had no idea that I would be faced with anxiety like I had never felt before.

The emotions I felt after Eli was born were so hard for me to not only comprehend but also to voice. I felt like there wasn't a soul in the world who understood what I was going through. I would look at my baby with more love than I had ever felt wondering what I had done.

How could I bring a baby into the world that I knew nothing about? How was I going to care for him? How would he fit into our lives? WHY did I think this was a good idea? And on and on.

When I would try and talk to someone about my emotions I was met with "oh I was so emotional over my deep love for my baby also". Which did nothing but frustrate me. Why did nobody understand what I was going through? Why could nobody relate? Why did nobody else feel like having a baby was the hardest thing they had ever done (and I'm not talking labor, that was a piece of cake compared to the emotions after I got home)

These thoughts had no influence on my love for my baby. I loved him and cared for him as any mother should. But these thoughts were swirling in my mind constantly which led to fears that I felt I couldn't express.

I kept just "waiting" for the thoughts to go away.  Over time the thoughts of wondering how I could care for a baby went away for the most part but they were replaced with anxious thoughts. Thoughts of overwhelming doom and fear.  I'm not talking normal fearful thoughts, I'm talking being afraid of everything involving my baby. It was really unhealthy but I was determined to just "get through it".

I continued going through life looking like a normal person, while dealing with intense anxiety at all times. Sometimes it was almost crippling.

At my 6 week postpartum appointment I shared with my doctor what I had been going through. She strongly encouraged that I get on some sort of anxiety medication.

She assured me that my level of anxiety was not normal this far postpartum. I listened to her words, took the prescription home, put it in my desk and never touched it again.

I have no idea why I did this. I would like to blame it on my anxiety. So that's what we will do.

Weeks went by and I was still having anxious thoughts. I would get so stressed out about the smallest things and feel so overwhelmed about virtually nothing. Finally one day I called the nurse and asked her to call me in a prescription. I have no idea why I decided at that moment but I'm so glad I did.

While I don't know for sure what was going through my mind I think part of me as a Christian was scared to get on medication. Wasn't I supposed to turn to God to help me through these things? Was taking a little blue pill my way of saying I can't rely on God, I don't have enough faith, I need something else to help me day to day?

I have come to the conclusion that all of those thoughts were simply part of my anxiety. I do not use my medication as a way to replace my relationship with Christ. I do not think because I take a pill to help relieve me of some anxiety that I do not need to spend time in the word. I do not see the pills as a "be all end all" solution.

And it isn't a cure all, there are times where I still have anxious thoughts and irrational fears and I remember to take it to the Lord, not just pop another pill hoping for a sweet release. I am still accountable for my thoughts and actions, a pill is not a coverall. I am still to take every thought captive.

Taking medication has helped me get a handle on my anxiety. But it has not cured it. I still have to work through it.

Sometimes I do get nervous about having a second baby and going through all of this again, but while I know I can't control my hormones, I can go into it more prepared, knowing what to expect and how to better handle all of it.

Through all of this I have learned that everybody has a different experience. I can't tell others what to expect, just as I hope others won't look at my experience and think I did something wrong or handled it wrong or even be scared of going through it. The joy of my baby boy was well worth all of it.


Goodbye Summer

Tomorrow, Monday morning Luke will go back to school.

While Luke has still been working a lot during the week at church he obviously hasn't been going to school everyday. And now he will be.

It has been a busy summer but it has also been relaxing. Luke is so busy during the school year with balancing everything that he has on his plate, it was nice to have a couple of months to refresh and relax.

During the school year Luke is usually up and out the door before Eli and I even wake up, so it has been nice to have his help in the mornings this summer.

We have been able to travel, sleep in and just spend lots of family time together. But now it is over.

And oddly, I'm sort of ready.

In April I was extremely ready for summer. I was ready to be lazy, for Luke to be home more, to not always feel like we are in the rat race of life.

But now after almost three months of no routine and being always on the go, I am very ready for routine.

I'm ready to meal plan again, I'm ready to have our set schedule that I know every week, I'm ready to start jogging again and get into a workout schedule. I'm ready to plan our weekly outfits (yes sadly that is true) and sit down the sunday before a week and plan out our schedule. Clearly I'ma  person who thrives on plans and schedules.

The summer is a nice break from the day to day routine, but by the end of it I'm longing for that routine. I thrive on it.

This past week after we got home from the beach Eli and I went to Luke's classroom to help him get ready for the school year. Eli was a big help obviously.

And so I say goodbye to our Summer 2012. It was an amazing summer but I'm ready to tell it goodbye. I'm ready for summer's friend Fall to come and bring cooler weather, routine, football games and pumpkin decorations.

It is time. And believe me, by April next year I will be more than ready for Summer. Everything is perfect in it's own time.


Getting Ready for the New

It's that time of the year again when Scentsy discontinues some warmers and scents to get ready for the Fall/Winter season.

While it is sad to see some of these scents go, I'm SO ready for all the new scents. They are wonderful. I love my Scentsy year round but especially in the fall and at Christmas. 

Because August is the month of discontinuations a lot of the products are 10% off. Check my website for prices or email me. 

Below are the scents and warmers that are being discontinued and won't be offered in the new catalog beginning in September. Be sure and stock up on your favorite scents and grab a warmer below if you've had your eye on it!

Also for August is the warmer of the month Whoot. I mean HOW CUTE IS HE? (or she?)

Whoot is also 10% off this month. I think this one is going to be a big seller this month!

As always if you've ever considered becoming a Scentsy consultant email me and let's chat. Last year I was able to pay for our entire Christmas using one Scentsy paycheck. Maybe that can be you this year!


Leaving the Beach

We just got back from an amazing four days at the beach with my family.

Sunday we loaded up in our car and drove 14 hours to Orange Beach where we met my family for lots of fun in the sun.

It was a random trip, my parents called me last month and said they were putting this together would we want to go? I of course knew I wanted to go but with it being so close to the beginning of the school year for Luke I didn't know if we could get it to work.

But after lots of thinking it through we decided to go for it, so we did and it was a blast!

I took my laptop planning on writing some blog posts and working on Scentsy stuff but I never touched it.

I took some books for entertainment, spiritual growth and my Scentsy business and didn't pick one of them up.

I was too busy laughing with my family, eating, chasing Eli, or just enjoying the scenery.

And now after 14 MORE hours in the car we are back home and I am unpacking and I'm sad.

I HATE that post vacation feeling. Vacation can't last forever - and if it did then it wouldn't be special but it is so hard to leave.

I already miss my family, sure we fought and got on each other's nerves all living together in one condo  for the week but the moment I'm away from them I miss those times.

I keep laughing out loud thinking about the various funny things that happened. I might be biased but I think the people in my family are some of the funniest people ever. That's a big statement!

I'm sure I will be in a bit of a post-vacation funk today, but I will remember to be thankful for the memories we made. It was great!

My little family on the beach.

Lots more beach pictures to come....


The Next One

One day, in the not so near future, but not so far distance Luke and I will decide that the time has come for Eli to have a sibling.

Or simply a brother if you are asking Luke. He can't imagine our next child being a girl - he is convinced we will have another boy.

It seems like the natural progression for most people. Get married. Have a baby. Survive. Have another. Yes there are some people who opt to not do any of the above, but we are told that the majority of households have 2.5 children.

Is this still accurate? I learned this in 10th grade which even though it seems like last year to me I need to realize it was TWELVE YEARS AGO, so the 2.5 children could have gone down or up. I could research this but if it isn't Titanic facts or the cast of One Tree Hill I really don't feel like researching it.

Back to the next kid talk:

We know we want more kids, however it makes me SO NERVOUS. Eli is my baby boy. My bubba wubba. My sweet precious Eli Tree who is my PRIDE AND JOY. I can't imagine loving another as much as I love him.

And I know, I've been told that it just happens. You wonder how you could love another crawling, crying, puking little critter as much as you loved that first one, but then that baby is born and somewhere between the sleepless nights, sore boobs and crying fits (you not the baby) you find that you are just as much in love with this new baby as you were the first.

But it still scares me.

And thinking back I remember being scared of having Eli. When I was pregnant I couldn't imagine what bringing a baby into our lives would do. We had a rhythm and a good thing going and it was all about to change. And it scared me.

And now? I can't even remember that rhthym. Nor do I want to. Life is how it should be for us. Looking back at pictures of just me and Luke we look happy, in love, but not complete.

And maybe there is a future little Tree (or 2 or 3) going to be added to the mix in the future, and I will watch as my heart grows right a long with my waisteline.

If I've learned anything from my 1 1/2 years of motherhood it's that my fears and worries are usually much bigger than the actual event itself. Life just happens and it comes together.

I hope these feelings are normal though, but I've never been one to be "normal" so they very well may not be.

Until the next one comes (not soon) I will enjoy Eli's toddler years and not worry about how my heart will grow. Because it will.

In the meantime I will focus on not letting my waistline grow. That can wait till later.