Beach Trip

In just a short time I will get on a plane and head to the beach for what I hope to be a relaxing, peaceful and restful time.

I'm also sort of flipping out. Which is unfortunately normal for me.

As my sweet husband put it, "so let me get this straight, you are going on a FREE week long trip to the beach and you have managed to make it stressful"?

That would be correct my friend. That would be correct.

The trip is free because I earned it through my role as a Scentsy consultant. Just another one of the reasons why I love being a consultant so much. I am very grateful for this trip, and the experience however I am sad to leave my baby boy and baby daddy.

I have lots of fears going through my head like "what if Eli forgets me" "what if I get back and he doesn't like me anymore" "what if he functions just fine without me and isn't dependent on me anymore". You know normal things.

Plus there is the whole factor about how I haven't put on a bathing suit since I had Eli over a year ago. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Well I take that back I have put on a bathing suit. Only to look in the mirror and survey the damage. My thinking is once I get to the beach I will see many other people dawning their skivies and realize that nobody cares what I look like and then hopefully I will feel comfortable. Stretch marks on my love handles and all. Every Krispy Kreme donut and 10 thousand Olive Garden breadsticks while I was pregnant were worth those stretch marks.

Even though the baby in there was barely even 6 lbs and didn't have much to do with my 42+ pounds.

Ahem. I digress..

In preperation for my trip I've been putting together lists. Lots of lists.

Lists of emergency numbers for Luke (which are probably all already in his cell phone, just got with it)

Lists of what to do during the day while I'm gone (because they've never functioned without me before)

Lists of what to eat (obviously Luke never met before he met me, duh.)

Lists of what I need to pack. I'm usually the kind of person who throws a bunch of clothes into a suitcase and spends the whole flight praying that some of the clothes in there form at least one decent outfit if not two.

I have so much to do before I leave but I have a feeling I'll spend the majority of my time loving on my baby boy - well as much as he will let me since he seems to spend most of his time running from me rather than to me.

I know it's not a crime to leave your child - especially when he is staying with a dad who is so good with him and will take good care of him. They probably won't even miss a beat while I'm gone, but my mom-guilt is heavy and I feel bad for leaving him. Mostly I feel bad that he's not old enough to understand that I'll be back and I can't explain it to him.

Please excuse me while I go make lists about why its ok to go on a relaxing beach trip.