Never Say Never

Saturday I did something I swore I would never do.

You would think I would learn to never say never. The jeggings sitting in my closest are proof that I most certainly do things I say I wont.

Before I go into what I did that I never said I would do, I have to set up the night.

Saturday night Luke and I had a wedding to attend. It was the wedding of a close friend of his from high school. Normally we wouldn't take Eli with us but there were going to be a lot of people at the wedding who hadn't seen him yet so we decided to take him.

P.S. I always said I would NEVER take my baby to a wedding.

In the words of the Biebs; never say never.

At this point I could go into long detail about how it takes me several attempts to get dressed these days because I have these new HIPS that make my old clothes look different on me and I change my clothes a million times and I wear this sexy nursing bra that is thick and shows through everything.

Basically I'm feeling top notch these days.

But I won't get into all of that (more than I already have). This story is about what I did that I swore I wouldn't do.

Fast forward to the wedding; the ceremony was outside and was beautiful, it was hot but Eli is a fan of being outside so he was great during the ceremony. He just sat and stared at all the trees and didn't really make a peep while the vows were being said.

Then we headed into the reception around 8:00

AKA: Eli's fussy time.

Upon entering the reception I realized that Eli needed a diaper change so I headed for the bathroom. Sounds like a simple enough task, but no, it wasn't. As I was about to enter the bathroom I realized it was labeled Doe.

Pause. Why on earth do restaurants think it's cute to use any words other than MALE or FEMALE??? I can think of about five restaurants off the top of my head that do this. It is annoying.

I'm sure during another time of my life I could have easily identified what a doe was, but in this moment when my only concern was a quick diaper change before we had a blowout I had no idea what a doe was. Apparently it's a female deer. A buck is a male deer. WHO CARES. My child had a dirty diaper that needed changing and I needed a bathroom that said "female" asap.

Because of the fact that I normally don't care what other's think of me I loudly yelled to Luke across several tables: WHAT IS A DOE? IS THIS THE GIRLS BATHROOM?

People thought it was funny. They were laughing AT me. Not WITH me. Big difference.

Anyways (this is getting entirely too long) I got Eli's diaper changed and decided to make a mental note that a doe equals female. For a teeny tiny bit all was well in our world, and then Eli started melting down.

As each second of Eli melting down passed I started to lose my cool. I mean I was already reeling from the fact that I didn't know what a freaking doe was and people laughed at me and now I was the girl at a wedding with a crying baby.

And nobody wants to be that girl.

I usually don't get flustered when Eli is fussy but I was already uncomfortable in this setting so getting flustered was an easy goal to achieve.

At one point, my usual very helpful husband was off laughing with the guys oblivious to the Eli meltdown of 2011 and I was struggling with our melt downer who was currently SPAZZING. OUT. One man who had previously laughed AT me for not knowing what a doe was looked at me and pitifully said "um do you need some kind of help?"

Great. Not only were people laughing at me, now they had pity on me.

PERFECT.

All I needed at this point was for my sexy nursing bra to be hanging out of my dress while my child flailed in my arms as I tried to discreetly glide across the room and throw him at my husband while everybody stared at me.

Oh wait that did happen.

Luke gave Eli a bottle while I tried to regain my composure but even after eating Eli still was super grumpy and so was I. It was time to pack up this sleepy baby and head home.

At this point I had been wrestling my baby for several hours and I was exhausted. Yes, I realize I sound pathetic. I don't really care. Sometimes I fussy baby can take ALL of your energy.

As we were packing up our stuff to leave, we started to say bye to a group of people at a table and I noticed a cute, young, pregnant girl watching me with my baby. This is where my story goes downhill.

I looked at this cute, innocent, young girl and said:

AND I QUOTE:

"so are you ready for this?(pointing to my crying baby) Your life is about to completely change"

UGH. I'm cringing right now thinking that I actually said that.

I still cannot believe I did that.

People would say that to me when I was pregnant and I hated it and thought it was the most annoying and rude thing ever.

AND I DID IT. I actually said it.

And not only did she hear, but a whole table of people heard.

I was mortified and I did it to myself.

Hey Megan, here is your mouth, why don't you go ahead and insert your foot for the millionth time?

Immediately I regretted saying it and talked about how it was also the best thing that could happen to your life. But it was already out there and there was nothing I could do about it. With those words I looked like a ragged mom who was exhausted and bitter and needed to learn how to cover up her ugly bra and figure out what a female deer is called.

After we left the wedding I bawled to Luke about those words I said. I felt like the worst mother in the world. It wasn't Eli's fault that he was tired and uncomfortable and was ready to be in his home in his bed. Yet with those words I made it seem like he was an inconvenience to me.

I wanted to go back in time and take back saying those words, but I can not do that.. So naturally, I contemplated Facebook messaging this girl (that I don't even really know) and apologizing.

Anybody remember when I Facebook messaged my nurse the I don't know?

Please. Somebody delete my account.

Eventually I dried up my tears and vowed that I learned my lesson and I would never do it again.

It's a day later and I still get sick to my stomach thinking that I did this.

I never want to come across as a mom who is grumpy and annoyed with her life. I'm so thankful to be a mom. I'm so thankful for that baby who was just tired and worn out from an already long weekend.

It was just a moment of weakness, beginning with a nursing bra that is not flattering to a restroom labeled doe all the way to being the girl at the wedding with the fussy baby.

I've beat myself up about it enough I'm petty sure I will will never utter those words again to an expecting mommy.

I'm also pretty sure I'm going to learn all possible forms of the words male and female. Just in case.....