Going Back

I knew it would happen. I knew that that the days would fly by and a date that seemed SO far away would arrive here in a flash.

After 12 weeks at home, on June 6th my maternity leave ends and I will return to work. Leaving my baby boy, for more than 3 hours for the very first time.

I've always known that I wanted to stay home with my kids when I had them. And then almost a year ago I got pregnant and reality hit.

Reality included a job that I loved and wasn't sure I was ready to leave, a working environment that I enjoy, and people that I am blessed to work with. I realized that these things aren't always easy to come by and I would get nervous thinking about leaving such good circumstances.

Also, reality included those pesky little annoyances called budgets and bills. The worst kind of reality.

Throughout my whole pregnancy I struggled with the decision of what to do once Eli got here. Staying home with my baby was always at the forefront of my heart, but right behind that were so many questions to consider and beyond the questions was the fact that we are at a season of our lives where living on one salary just did not seem like an option.

Knowing that going back to work full time would be so hard for me, Luke and I began to pray for a part time job for me. It seemed like it would be the best option for our family at this time.

And I am happy to say that I was able to move to a part time job at the university I work at, working 20 hours a week.

I am SO thankful to have a good job to return to, and SO thankful that it worked out for me to go part time, however it is going to be SO hard for me to leave Eli.

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing I have ever done. My heart aches every single time I think about not being with my baby boy all day long.

But in the middle of the heartache I also have peace. I know that Eli will be ok. And I will be ok. I know that this is best for our family right now and that I am blessed to be able to work part time, and thankful that it all worked out. From me being given the option of a part time job all the way to finding part time childcare, the Lord provided.

I always imagined that I would be staying home full time when I had my first child, but I know life doesn't always happen how we imagine or how we think it should.

And while it is sometimes hard, I'm glad I'm not the one that is in control of my life. Luke and I have always prayed that God would guide our steps and lead us in the direction that is best for us, opening doors that need to be opened and closing those that need to be closed.

He has always been faithful and this time is no exception.

Monday we begin a new season in our lives, and while it will take a bit of adjusting at first, including lots of tears from me, I am filled with peace, and for that I am thankful.