A Growing Love

I'm a different person from the person I was two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago I had preconceived notions as to what it was like to be a mother.

From the second they would place that baby on me, to our daily routine at home I had ideas of what it would be like.

And I was completely wrong.

The love I felt when Eli was first placed on me was completely different than I expected it to be.

I fell in love with the baby growing inside of me from the moment I found out I was pregnant. And as the pregnancy continued I fell in love a little bit more with each day.

When we found out the gender I fell in love with my son a little more, picturing what he would look like.

With each movement I fell in love a little more with that sweet baby.

As I learned his routines in the womb my love grew. My heart would swell with each hiccup I would feel.

And every night around 10:00 when he would start his baby aerobics it would always bring a smile to my face, picturing that sweet baby in there moving all around.

I thought I was prepared, I thought I knew the love that I would feel, and then he was placed on me for the first time and it was different.

Just as it was while he was growing inside of me, my love grows for him everyday.

With every new facial expression, and each day as he grows more alert my love grows more and more.

Not that I didn't love him the moment the sat him on me, but I had no idea how much that love would grow every single day.

And it's only been two weeks.

I can't imagine how much more my love will grow. It us unfathomable to me.

I'm still in the early stages of my maternity leave but I had pictured it differently. I expected to finish a number of books, catch up on old TV shows, take care of things around the house that have needed attention for awhile, but as it turns out all of those things have been put on hold.

All I want to do is hold my baby.

When I am holding him time stands still. Earlier I was rocking him and thinking of the laundry that needed to be folded, the bathroom that needed to be cleaned and all of life's other tasks but it was as if I was frozen. I couldn't move from that glider. I just sat there, taking in my son.

His tiny fingers, his itty bitty toes, the way he curls in his bottom lip, his skinny chicken legs. All of those details were much more important than any household chore. Those can wait.

I'm learning to enjoy every moment. Each sleepless night (because they ARE sleepless), every frustrating feeding, the days when I've been peed on, pooped on, spit up on, and still never got around to taking a shower, and all the in between moments. I know they will pass so I'm not taking one moment for-granted.

Like I said I am different, I had no idea I would go through some "baby blues" as my hormones went crazy and the love that I have felt has been different, one that grows everyday.

These are all details I will elaborate on later, I want to share the details so I will remember them, and I think its important to share.

But for now I'm holding Eli and just taking in this season of life. They all pass too quickly.