Bitterness

As we all know I'm obsessed with Webmd and googling certain "sick symptoms" that I feel.

If my right pinky toe is tingling I will look it up on Webmd and before you know it I have diagnosed myself with some sort of disease only found in a third world country and my leg will need to be amputated.

Its a sickness. Also known as hypochondria, which I have also looked up on Webmd. And would you believe that I fit the profile for a hypochondriac? I mean it was scary how much the symptoms matched my personality. Freaky.

Lately I have tried to stop looking everything up on Webmd. Let's face it, its not as reliable as I once thought it was. I wonder how many irritated Dr.'s there are across America because 88% of their patients come to them with their diagnosis in hand, positive that they already know what is wrong with them?

I made up that 88% number but it sounds legit to me.

Recently I was thinking about my current state of mind, you see I haven't been blogging lately, but thats not the only syptom that just doesn't seem right. There are several areas in my life where I'm just not myself lately.

I won't go into all of the ways I have not been myself, because really, who wants to hear about how I have been irritable, or how I will worry myself to the point of real life tears, or so on and so on.

None of those things would be flattering, and who wants to show themselves in a non-flattering light?

Not me.

Except for when I post pictuers of myself in my pajmas for the whole world to see.

Which is just scary.

But not as scary as the nasty bitterness that I have been battling lately. I was thinking about this word one nigh and decided to google it.

As a Christian I know that bitterness cuts me off from the Lord. When I allow bitterness to flood my heart, I am in essence cutting off a close connection with the Lord.

When I googled bitterness I found several key definitions. One definition stated that bitterness can cause a loss of emotional stability, peace, and joy.

Bingo.

Which made me think; how many times do I turn to the Internet, or Webmd, or the world in general, to tell me whats wrong, when really I should be turning to the bible?

I so often will feel something and will chalk it up to a physical symptom, when sometimes, my heart is simply crying out to be renewed.

I feel like lately I have been living in a fog of bitterness. It started a couple of months ago and I have let it escalate much farther than it should have gone.

So now I need to cleanse myself and get back on track, and get rid of this nasty bitterness.

I feel like I am always battling bitterness, it seems like I would learn to nip this thing in the bud.

Maybe one day.

I know this isn't the best post after not blogging for a week or so, but this is what is on my heart right now. And I think the plague of bitterness on my heart has had something to do with the lack of blog posts.

But that is one thing I love about having a blog, I can record all the way that God is speaking to me.

And also record what happens when I cut off conneciton with him.

BITTERNESS.

Sick.

So thats all I have for now. I will return with my pointless random posts soon.

I feel like I still have so many pointless random things to blog about. Like the fact that I hate pencils. It makes me shudder to think about using a pencil. They are sick. We can talk about this later. I wonder if there is a fear of pencils in Webmd?