Tonight I was looking back through un-posted posts on my blog. I wrote this particular last September and for some reason I never posted it. This was before I read So Long Insecurity but from this post I can see God was preparing me for that book. Becoming secure in who I am in Him is a journey in life but one that is attainable.
So many times I beat myself up for who I am.
There is a verse in Psalms about "turning off the flow" and sometimes I'm pretty sure that it has my name written in front of it
I am louder than most, and more times than I care to admit I will think before speaking.
Which most times cause the whole 'foot in the mouth' situation.
Tonight I was going through our guest room closet desperately searching for an old journal when I came across two photo albums full of pictures from my college years.
So of course, I had to stop what I was doing and open the album to view the contents inside.
I moved to my college town not knowing a single person or what I was getting myself into. I went to my university on a "whim" and I have been thankful that I went there every since.
I have mentioned this before, but I truly became who I am today through the experiences I had in college. I am me because of those four years.
I grew closer to God during that time.
I learned what it was like to be apart of a church community on my own.
I found my true love.
I lost my true love.
I got him back and kept him this time.
I made some amazing friends.
I lost some friends.
I found friendship in the most unexpected people. Friendships that are still alive today.
I learned how to work through emotions of bitterness and forgiveness, and in fact I am still working on learning that one.
I learned that people will fail you, even those that know your heart and soul, they will fail you.
I learned that you can't study for a test at 4:00am and expect to make a good grade.
I learned the same thing applies to writing a 10 page essay.
I found out community restrooms really gross me out.
I found out that I am me.
I found out that I don't like fake people.
I learned how to be the real me and to stick to it.
I learned to give people a second chance.
I realized that manual labor is not my friend.
I learned this while my church was renovating our new building and I still get made fun of for my lack of help and instead excessive amounts of whining.
I found that when I am away from my family my "first born characteristics" tend to come our very strongly.
I was called bossy for the first time during these years.
I learned that sometimes bossy is a negative word for leader.
So many times I beat myself up over things I say or things I do.
I am a little louder than most, and sometimes I say things that I don't think twice about saying.
But I am a work in progress. God is growing me and teaching me.
So I looked at the pictures and then closed the album and put it back in the closet, and realized something.
I realized it was ok to let the memories flood back. To let the emotions of joy, sadness, anger, happiness, and forgiveness enter my heart.
They made me who I am, and I am still learning, still learning that it is ok to be me.
It took four years and a whole lot of money to figure that out.
Money well spent in my opinion!