When I was in high school I had this amazing metabolism. I'm talking the kind of metabolisim that you only hear about in fairy-tales.
I would eat and eat and hardly gain any weight.
In fact I can remember one specific time being upset because all my friends were a size five and I couldn't yet wear a five.
Then I went to college.
I think I have mentioned this before, but during my freshman year of college I gained a considerable amount of weight.
It was around that same time that I developed an unhealthy body image. I never had an eating disorder, but I had a pretty warped view of my body.
During the time of my 'unhealthy body image' my family went on a summer vacation and planned to go to a water-park. Supposedly one of the best water-parks in the US.
The water-park outing was scheduled for the last day of the vacation. So naturally I spent a ridiculous amount of the first part of the vacation dreading the thought of putting on a swimsuit.
One day while my family was at the pool I went up to the hotel room and put on the swimsuit I brought to wear. I looked at myself in the mirror, and immediately thought: there is no way I can go in public like this. I felt so uncomfortable in the bathing suit.
So I cried to my family and begged them to not go to the water-park.
At the end of the vacation we went home, never stopping at the water-park.
Fast forward several years later: I was watching a TV show with my then boyfriend (don't worry, he's my husband now) about the best water-parks in the US, and the infamous previously mentioned water-park was the #1 park.
Immediately guilt washed over me. I thought about how my family could have gone to that park, but I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable with how I looked that I completely took the opportunity away from them.
As I was watching the show I started crying,(this is why husband is so good, he knew I was crazy before he married me) I called my family and apologized to them for taking away their opportunity to go to the water-park.
They of course thought I was crazy, and to be honest, most of them didn't even remember the event, yet it consumed me at that moment.
I still think about this often, and wonder how I could have been so self-involved that, because I was so ashamed of how I looked I made the choice for the rest of my family to not go and enjoy that park.
Chances are, if my family had ended up going to the park, and I had ended up putting on that bathing suit, regardless of how uncomfortable I felt, the feelings probably would have disappeared after enjoying time with my family.
I was thinking about this story the other day when it took a different turn in my heart and I thought about it a different way.
How many times do I miss opportunities to share the love of Christ with others simply because I am uncomfortable or embarrassed of how I might look?
How many times am I so self-involved worrying about myself and my own 'worries' when there are others around me who need to hear about the love of Christ? How there is a God that loves them more than they could imagine?
Yet I continue to look at myself in the mirror, focused on my needs, my wants, my insecurities, and my uncomfortableness.
Like the 'swimsuit incident' I don't want to look back at my life, and see perfect opportunities I had to share the love of Christ, and realize that it was my own insecurity that held me back from sharing with somebody.
I can't go back in time and tell the Megan in 'the swimsuit incident' to suck it up and not take away this opportunity from her family just because she is a little uncomfortable, but I can learn from it.
I can go into the future knowing that there are opportunities all around me to help others, and at the end of my life I don't want to feel guilty knowing I was so focused on myself or know that I was too uncomfortable to step out of my own box and help others.
God's love is too amazing to not be shared.